I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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