he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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