i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
