my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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