I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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