Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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