So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
