oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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