I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
