I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
