Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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