Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
