i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
