Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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