I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
