I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
