im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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