What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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