we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Randomize
