Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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