Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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