And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
