I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
