So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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