Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
