I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
