Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
