if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
