if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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