A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
