apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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