My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
