What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
