I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
