I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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