I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
