i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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