look no pants
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
