i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
