yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
