I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
