So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
