Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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