i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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