oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
