she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
