none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
