Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Oh god it's open bar.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
