so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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