Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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