and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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