I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
