I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
