It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
